Red Tornado's Journal
by Thomas Tom Tom
Summary: An often hilarious canter through life at the Cave, commented on by the one and only Android of Awesome, Red Tornado. Warning: Contains graphic descriptions of Red Tornado attempting to work out just what the hell is going on in the Cave.
1. July 20th

**A/N: Hai all. I'm alive, and don't give me your "I find your lack of updates disturbing" crap, my internet broke.**

**Anyway, I got annoyed at the lack of YJ Red Tornado fanfiction so I wrote one. A lot of ones. **

**No, I'm not going to publish Bird Magnet because it's not finished and I need it to be PERFECT!**

**Enjoy Reddy's take on life.  
**

**Tom**

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: 20th July_

Today was a quiet day in the Cave. No "_special missions_" were assigned.

The team were experiencing that common human affliction known as "_boredom._"

At this point in time Kid Flash and Robin were in the communal area of the Cave. Personally, I was standing at the holographic monitor screens, watching over the team (_as I do almost every day when not on active Justice League duty_).

Robin somehow had become hung upside down from the cave rafters tied up in his own grapple line an approximate distance of seven feet from the ground.

He swung from side to side in an awkward manner while Kid Flash sprinted here and there taking photographs with a small camera mounted in his telephonic apparatus ("_mobile phone", Green Arrow informs me)_.

When Aqualad and Rocket entered the room, Rocket performed a "_double take_" (_definition: a delayed reaction to a sudden or surprising situation. Research this behaviour._) when she saw Robin, but Aqualad merely looked up at the boy; as if to ask a question but deciding otherwise.

Robin noticed the look and laughed, informing Aqualad that he had made a mistake while performing complicated acrobatics and was "_definitely not feeling the aster._"

(_What is this "aster?")_

Aqualad made a movement with his shoulders (_shrugged, or so I am informed)_ and sat down in one of the green chairs that are located in the corner of the room.

Kid Flash ran over to them, placed his "_mobile phone_" in a wrist compartment, ran in a circle three times, performed a "_cartwheel_" (_definition: a sideways handspring with the arms extended. Research this.)_ and then skidded to a halt in front of them, laughing hysterically and saying something far too quickly for my audio receptors to pick up – something like "Robifalltiedahahahahha."

Robin grimaced, saying he would have applauded Kid Flash, however he "_physically couldn't move any part of my body." _or so he explained to Kid Flash.

Kid Flash laughed and ran off once more, however, he did not look where he was going, ran into a wall, fell over, and slid back across the floor to where he began. Artemis and Zatanna came into the room.

Artemis congratulated "_Kid Idiot_," (_other names include, but are not limited to: Baywatch; Kid Mouth; Wallace; Wally; Kay Eff; et cetera)_ who sat up and rubbed his head muttering about distractions.

Artemis looked over and noticed Robin's predicament (_and I quote):_ "Wow...why are you...uh...tied up like that? Zatanna's not into bondage (_note to self: find out what this is_), is she?"

Zatanna strenuously denied this. (_Scans of Zatanna at this time reveal an increase in breathing and heart rate, along with an increase in sweat gland activity. Why Zatanna had this reaction is unknown, however my research would indicate this signifies denial of some romantic attachment. I have yet to discover __**why**__ Zatanna would wish to deny such a romantic attachment.)_

Robin moved uncomfortably ("s_quirmed", apparently. Scans of Robin at this time are almost identical to scans of Zatanna beforehand – heart rate, breathing rate, and so forth. This may have something to do with the denial of romantic attachment mentioned earlier. Intriguing.) _and began a lengthy conversation which, for the sake of my journal, I have noted down word-for-word and inserted below:

_**ROBIN**__:_ "Anyway – moving swiftly onwards from any mention of bondage between me and 'Tanna – I got bored, zipped up into the rafters to do some acrobatics, and I sort of...well...messed up...one of the landings."

_**KID FLASH **_(walking over): "_Messed up_? That must be the understatement of the decade. You landed the über-triple-backflip-whatever-it-was, fell, accidentally fired the grapnel gun, then landed on another rafter, swirled the grapple line around yourself and _then_, to top it all off, you fell off _that_ rafter and _this_ happened."

(_Zatanna lapses into what I am told are called "giggles." Artemis asks Robin if he was "OK" before she too dissolves into this helpless laughter.)_

_**ROBIN**__:_ "Your massive concern for my wellbeing is _so_ whelming. Yes, it was that bad, and yes, I'm fine." (_using a tone of voice that could be contrived to be "sarcastic"._ _I must investigate this fascinating concept.) _"Though there's an itch on my nose that is _killing_ me right now." (_I am unsure as to how an itch upon one's nose could be detrimental to health, but I shall look further into this phenomenon in order to clarify the matter.)_

Zatanna stopped laughing; with difficulty, it appeared.

_**ZATANNA**__:_ "_Eson s'nobir_ _hctarcs." (Presumably a spell of some kind.)_

_**ROBIN**_ (_tilting his head back_): "Ahh...that's the spot... So, want to...maybe... get me down from here...hmm?"

_**KID FLASH**__:_ "Hell no."

Kid Flash fled the room at approximately Mach 2.

_**ZATANNA **_(_looking at Artemis – I believe the term is "playfully"_): "I think I'll just leave you up there and look at you. You make an _amazing _ornament."

_**ARTEMIS**__ (critically):_ "You've gone soft, Z. _I _think we should go "teach" Conner about piñatas." (_Why they would want to teach Superboy about a game played at social gatherings is beyond me.)_

_**ZATANNA**__:_ "Artemis, that is a _fantastic _idea. Let's go."

_**ROBIN**__:_ "You wouldn't." (_The frequency of his voice suggested fear (or at least mock fear). Why is this?)_

_**ZATANNA**_ (_slyly_, _I believe):_ "Well, maybe we could make an exception if we were... how do I put this...recompensed...?"

_**ROBIN**_ (_sighing_): "How much ice cream would pay for my release?"

_**ZATANNA**_ (_smiling)_: "Eh, about five tonnes would be an excellent start." (_I am unsure of whether the procurement of frozen dairy products was the reason for this smile, or whether it was something else.)  
_

_**ARTEMIS**__: _"Mint, by the way. None of that vanilla crap you've tried to give us before." (_This is, to quote a human phrase, "all Greek to me.")_

When Artemis and Zatanna exited the room, having brought Robin back to ground level, they slapped each other's hands. (_This is dubbed a "high five", the name of which would appear to come from both the altitude of the gesture and the fact that there are five fingers on a human hand. I have no information as to why this ritual was carried out. More research necessary._)

_**Conclusion:** More research is required. Work on the android body – designation "John Smith" – will have to begin sooner than I had anticipated._

_This was a rather long journal entry, but I believe it was necessary in order to understand the idiosyncrasies of the event._


	2. July 22nd to July 25th

**A/N: Here is the next installment of Red Tornado's Journal. However, you can't read it until the 25th. **

**...**

**Oh, fine, you can read it now. But you won't get any updates for four (or five) days to make this fit chronologically.**

**Yes, goddammit, he WILL be addicted to The Doors. If you don't know who they are, you suck. Google them immediately. **

**I'm actually pleasantly surprised at the positive reaction to this crap I'm churning out. I suppose you also love Reddy (and his cluelessness). **

**Please forgive my science nerding out in this bit; I'm pretty sure that in order to understand this chapter you need to have done a GCSE in Chemistry.**

* * *

**Cold As Ice; Music To My Ears; Sweet as Sugar; Cold Comfort**

_Red Tornado's Journal: 22nd July_

This morning Robin wheeled a substantial number (_approximately 20)_ of steel barrels ("_milk churns")_ containing an unknown substance (_judging from thermal scans it was a very cold material) _into the cave. This was met with great satisfaction by both Zatanna and Artemis. (_Reasons are unclear.)_ Kid Flash was tied up to prevent him from interfering with the unloading of said substance. (_Once more, reasons elude me.)_

This substance was, upon further inspection, found to be a bright green in colour and contained many small black-brown chips of another substance. Black Canary assures me the contents of these milk churns is not dangerous in any way, and that it is in fact very beneficial.

I am tempted to doubt her appraisal, as all female members of the team (_including Black Canary herself)_ vociferously attacked this substance with fascinating implements consisting of a shallow bowl attached to a medium length handle, which is apparently designated a "_spoon_." (_This requires further study.)_

I also believe that the delivery of the milk churns was directly influenced by events on the 20th July, but this has as yet been unproven.

My own studies of this "iced cream" (_I have taken some samples from one of the churns)_ have shed no light on its purpose, however I have learned that is is comprised primarily of a compound with the chemical formula _C__12__H__22__O__11 __- _sucrose - or, as it is termed by the general human populace, "_sugar_." It also contains a trace amount of iodine, which I can only imagine was procured from an Earth-native species of seaweed. I do not see how this helps my investigations, but I have recorded it nonetheless.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: 23rd July_

Today I discovered a compact storage disc which had a small amount of sonic data on it. Upon digitisation of the disc, (_and subsequent questioning of Green Lantern Hal Jordan)_ it transpired that this sonic data is in fact a form of human entertainment known as "_music_", and this music in particular was composed by a group of humans who named themselves "_The Doors_." I have no idea why such a name appealed to them, but I have found the melodic composition and harmonic activity to be remarkably assuaging upon one's mind. I shall continue my research into human musical invention as I have observed that it is integral to human culture.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: 24th July_

Three of the churns have been drained of their contents. The effects on the female population of the Cave are as follows:

- 7.324 percent increase in alertness

- Minor increase in frequency of reckless behaviour

- Slight (_2.37 percent_) increase in speed of speech

- Fascinating increase in frequency of "_giggles_" - up 18.32 percent

I must investigate the effects of the sucrose compound (_and the other members of the saccharide family – glucose, fructose, maltose, and starch_) on other examples of human (_and superhuman)_ biology.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: 25__th__ July_

Seven of the churns are empty at the present count. Security footage indicates that the primary consumer of the iced cream is Zatanna, closely followed by Artemis and Rocket.

Research shows that human females often use this iced cream as a source of emotional comfort. In Zatanna's case, the consumption of cream must stem from the absence of her father, Giovanni Zatarra (_Doctor Fate_), although I have not yet reached a conclusion regarding Rocket and Artemis.

Robin is also a source of comfort for Zatanna, although I do not believe the two are romantically involved (_see 20__th__ July for earlier speculations upon this_). Investigation of the security feeds after dark would indicate that any time Zatanna is feeling upset or depressed during the night, she makes her way to Robin's room. Robin himself is exceptionally good at telling "_what is up" _with Zatanna.

Last night, for example, she went to Robin crying quietly. He simply held her in his arms until she fell asleep, then laid her carefully on his bed, put the bedcovers over her, and slept on the floor. This, I believe, is an excellent example of that very human quality "_compassion." _(_It also may be a possible indication of the romantic feelings Robin harbours for Zatanna, but I am ill-equipped to draw any conclusions on this matter.)_

I have decided to keep this information to myself for the time being, as I do not believe that either of them wishes it to be made common knowledge.

I have yet to learn the meaning of the word "bondage." This is somewhat irksome but I am confident of a revelation soon.

Tests with the compounds glucose (_C__6__H__12__O__5_) and its isomer fructose have shown an increase in both physical and mental energy. Administered to The Flash, the glucose and sucrose compounds hypercharge the speed and strength of the subject, but the excess energy quickly burns off (_in under an hour_) due to the accelerated metabolism that The Flash possesses. (_This would appear to explain why Kid Flash was detained for the duration of the unloading of the sucrose-rich iced cream – to prevent him from becoming a nuisance (or a "bloody pain in the arse", as Artemis is fond of saying).)_

Study on "_The Doors_" has developed a problem: I require more of these "_CDs_" to conduct my investigations. The "_John Smith_" android is ready for use. I will have to use it to purchase additional musical pieces for study.

_**Conclusion: **These four days have provided me with much useful information on humanity, all of it useful in my quest to become more human. However, I am also mindful of the many questions that remain, or have revealed themselves due to my studies, which I have yet to find answers to._


	3. July 26th to August 1st

**A/N: Yes, here's the third extract(?) from Red Tornado's Journal. **

**This is going to get SO Chalant-y sooner or later...and Spitfire-y, and Supermartian-y, and indeed Torpedo-y (Torpedo is the AquaRocket ship, in case you didn't know).**

**A****lso, I plan on putting in SO MUCH MOAR REDDY FEELS it just isn't true.**

**Oh and guys, how amazing is Beware The Batman? I thought it'd be terrible but it's actually really good. Alfred is an utter boss in it.**

**Speaking of things I thought would be bad but are in fact good, Doctor Who fanfiction writers! Yes, you! WRITE MORE 11/TARDIS fics! They are amazingly amazing! **

**_Red Tornado: Excuse me, Tom. I hate to interrupt your riveting overview of everything you have discovered you like this week, but I have a review to reply to. _  
**

**Oh. Um. Go ahead.**

_**Red Tornado: Dear "randomkitty101." Yes. I am hilarious. Thank you for reviewing twice, although I do not see the logic in doing so.**_

**Shut up, Reddy, or she(?) won't like us. *whispers* Ignore him, RK. He's crazy.**

* * *

**Mission Control; Standing In The Rain; Hurt; People Are Strange**

_Red Tornado's Journal: 26th July_

15 of the milk churns are empty. It is quite stunning to see the rapidity with which humans are able to eat such a cold substance. I would have thought that they would at least suffer some form of reaction to the extreme cold. Perhaps not.

Batman visited the Cave in order to issue a mission briefing, so it seems I will be alone in the Cave for a day or two. This will grant me some time in which to acquire more human musical works. The "John Smith" android body has handled well in preliminary tests, so I believe it is ready for a full field test.

The mission, I am told, will be to prevent Ras al Ghúl and the League of Assassins from killing a key member of the United Nations and will last for two days at most, due to the undercover nature of the assignment.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: 27th July_

It rained today. I stood outside, using the "John Smith" android.

I was reminded of my brother, Red Torpedo. I regret that he is offline, but at least he died a hero, as he would have wished.

I do not think I will write anything more today.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: 28th July_

**_12:00_**

The team have returned from their mission. Robin received a sword wound in the lower thigh from a League of Assassins member, one of Talia al Ghúl's elite guard.

The wound is not particularly deep, but he has lost a lot of blood. He is currently in the infirmary, under sedation. Zatanna is currently with him.

**_16:00_**

Zatanna is still in the infirmary with Robin. When last I checked on her, she was sobbing uncontrollably into her hands. I must do something about this.

**_19:00_**

I summoned Doctor Fate to the Cave and was successful in convincing him to remove the Helmet in order to allow Zatarra to comfort his daughter. Upon the removal of the helmet, Zatarra thanked me for allowing him this chance to see his daughter.

I am pleased with this reunion of parent and child that I have facilitated.

It was the human thing to do.

**_22:00_**

Robin's anaesthesia has worn off and his condition is fairly stable. Zatanna is overjoyed at both his revival and her father's visit. I am happy to see everyone all right.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: 29th July_

Robin is walking again, although it will be some time before he will be permitted to join the team on any missions. Batgirl has been drafted in to replace him during his temporary absence.

Zatanna's visits to Robin are still quite frequent, but they are more often than not to simply check on him and his leg rather than for consolation, as she seems happier in general after her father's visit.

I have been reviewing the my recent musical acquisitions using the speaker systems installed in the Cave. Green Arrow is somewhat critical of the Doors, stating that he personally prefers another group named "Queen" but I suspect this may be more down to his surname rather than the musical ability of the group.

All of the milk churns are empty.

I have confiscated them in order to prevent Robin, Kid Flash and Zatanna from filling them with custard and throwing them at the Green Lanterns, as for some reason they are determined to do so.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: 1st August_

Green Lanterns Jon Stewart, Kyle Rayner and Hal Jordan have taken the milk churns, filled them with custard and thrown them at Green Lantern Guy Gardener.

_**Conclusion:**_ _I believe I am in agreement with the Doors: People __**are**__ strange._

* * *

**No one likes Guy Gardener :(**


	4. August 2nd to August 7th

**A/N: NEW CHAPTER! Yay! **

**Bringing in Spitfire. (Yay!) **

**Pretend Star Sapphire's a good guy. **

**Oh, and can more people (i.e. people other than RandomKitty101) review this? I'm not really getting much of a range of opinion here.**

**UPDATE: On advice from my lovely assistant RK101 I have made Reddy more Reddy and less...well...me. Basically, I've generally improved it from the absolute crap I wrote at 4 this morning. **

**Enjoy the next part of RTJ!**

* * *

**Goodbye Churns; Online; Pressure; Hello Churns; Just Borrowing; Armour Lock**

_Red Tornado's Journal: 2nd August_

The Green Lanterns were made to clean the custard from the Watchtower; however in practice only Green Lantern Hal Jordan actually has done so, on account of him being romantically involved with a woman who owns one of the most powerful weapons in the universe (Carol Ferris, aka Star Sapphire).

Green Lantern Guy Gardener has gone to Oa for psychiatric treatment.

Superman has thrown the milk churns into space. I doubt that this will be the last we see of them.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: 3rd August_

Today, during training (due to Robin's injured leg excluding him from missions, he and I have been sparring in the training room almost every day), Robin asked me when my "birth day" was.

I replied that due to my creator – T. O. Morrow – copying my memory files into Red Volcano and some of the file transfers being corrupted I did not know exactly.

He was peculiarly surprised and shocked by this, and asked if I knew the general time.

I told him that I remember coming online sometime in August. He filed this information on his wrist computer.

I do not believe I have heard the last of this. I am intrigued as to why Robin would wish to know about my history.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: 4th August_

Kid Flash and Artemis' bickering has reached a new level.

The other members of the team are becoming very irritated and restless.

Even I am beginning to grow weary of the incessant arguing.

In Zatanna's words: "Oh my god, why don't they just get married already?"

(_Unsurprisingly_, _I do not get it.)_

Tensions in the Cave may reach a head soon.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: 5th August_

The milk churns have come out of orbit and some have crashed in the American state known as Ohio. Others have crashed in the states of Maryland, Nevada and North Dakota.

The human population is declaring the end of the world. How fascinating.

I have bought many more albums of The Doors. My musical research is going excellently – so much so, in fact, that I have discovered another "band", this one named "ABBA." However, I lack the necessary sonic data for study.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: 6__th__ August_

Many of Zatanna's ABBA compact storage discs have mysteriously gone missing.

I wonder where they could have gotten to.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: 7__th__ August_

The team have been "driven around the bend" by Kid Flash and Artemis' bickering this week, and the tensions came to a head (as I predicted) this morning.

Robin and Zatanna firstly chloroformed, then locked the offending parties in Batman's power armour, which I believe Robin removed the emergency ejection control from last night. They tell me that they will let Artemis and Kid Flash out of the armour when they "agree to be nice" to each other.

For some reason I do not trust them.

* * *

_Conclusion: I have no idea whatsoever about what is going on in the Cave at this time._

_I think it would be best if I were to remain an unconnected observer and allow the team to take care of their own issues. _


	5. August 8th to August 14th

**A/N: Hi guys! Another bunch of RTJ is up! **

**I've been playing a lot of the game "Injustice: Gods Among Us" (I play a lot of games, get used to me ranting about them XD) and is it just me or is there some very subtle Nightwing/Raven shippery going on there? **

**Reddy is delighted with all your reviews and asks extremely nicely, as only an android can, that you leave more.**

**The line Robin says about "LShD" is actually based on a conversation with my friend Daniel about the James Bond movie Skyfall, and how much better it would have been if Sean Connery was in it.**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 8th _

Kid Flash and Artemis were let out of the Bat-Armour late this morning.

Black Canary has decided that a "team building exercise" is in order, now that Robin's leg is fully healed and he has been returned to active duty.

I am filled with a strange sense of foreboding due to this news.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 9th _

The team (and Black Canary and I) are being "forced against their will," as Robin so eloquently puts it, to take part in a four-day long "camping trip" to a field located somewhere in Scotland, one named "Falling Sky".

The team seems remarkably set against this idea, however, a look from Batman has convinced them to go along with it for the time being.

Myself and Black Canary will be posing as leaders of a communal organisation I am told is called a "scout troop."

This will be the first time the team has seen the John Smith android body.

I must admit, I am rather proud of my attempts at mimicking human appearance.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 10__th_

The team did not recognise the John Smith android. Their reactions upon my revealing of my identity were rather amusing.

This afternoon we arrived at the field in Scotland and the "tents" were pitched. (_Is this the right verb? I believe so.)_

After many failures the team resorted to Zatanna using magic while Black Canary was not looking.

Black Canary's accommodation schemes are as follows, with my own thoughts beside them:-

Robin & Zatanna: Tent One – _A terrible idea that will end in humiliation for the entire team._

Superboy & Miss Martian: Tent Two – _I have reason to believe this will be the most productive pairing._

Aqualad & Rocket: Tent Three – _An excellent idea. Aqualad will keep Rocket in __line and Rocket will prevent Aqualad from becoming excessively "boring."_

Kid Flash & Artemis: Tent Four – _This will be the tent I will be staying as far away from as possible, in order to prevent permanent auditory receptor damage._

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 11th_

First day on "camp." Zatanna has bewitched Robin's voice (_by saying "Yrennoc naes ekil dnuos nibor ekam")_, making it an exact reproduction of the well-known Scottish motion picture star Sean Connery.

Kid Flash and Artemis have had precisely thirty-seven different arguments already, many on topics completely irrelevant to anything at all.

Tent Three has burned to the ground in an accident involving Aqualad's electrical powers, a box of five hundred assorted iron fastening devices (_"nails"_), a handheld magnification lens and a phosphorus oxide laser that Robin somehow managed to sneak into a bottle of water.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 12th _

Second day of "camp." Tent Three has been repaired and re-pitched. On an outing to a human area of animal captivity (_"zoo"_), Superboy was mysteriously locked in a room containing no less than seven hundred and twenty four miniature stuffed monkeys.

Personally, I suspect the inhabitants of Tent One (who I also overheard mentioning the fact that Black Canary is "a secret Spitfire shipper," which makes no sense whatsoever).

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 13th _

This morning Robin (who is still talking like a well-known Scottish actor I may have mentioned previously) was asked why the field was named "Falling Sky."

He replied: "Lasht shummer I took sho musch LShD the cloudsh shtarted attackin' meh."

Or words to that effect. I could not really be certain. (but I have resolved to add "LSD" to my list of concepts I do not fully understand, along with "Shipping", "OTP", "Lemons", and "Bondage.")

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 14th _

Last day on the camp. Becoming slightly tired of "Sean Robinnery" as Kid Flash has so ingeniously dubbed him.

Kid Flash and Artemis have had a total of eight hundred and ninety-seven pointless arguments over the course of the four days.

I have removed my auditory receptors for the trip back to Mount Justice and advised Black Canary to never again pair Kid Flash and Artemis _or _Robin and Zatanna.

No clues on what LSD might be.

_Conclusion: This "Camping Trip" has revealed absolutely nothing about humanity, other than the fact that they enjoy living in cloth shelters in the pouring rain. How odd. _


	6. August 15th & 16th

**A/N: This, my worst effort at RTJ yet (in my opinion, which is always right XD), is now yours to read. Have fun, and review. Please.**

**IceQueen-bunch-of-random-numbers: It's a really boring story, actually. We were just going through words that sounded hilarious in Sean Connery's accent (Yes, I can do Sean Connery's accent superbly, thank you for asking) and LSD was one of them. **

**School starts in a few days, so expect less writing from me. (I will still try and do an RTJ every week or so, stay calm people.) **

* * *

**Red Tornado's Birthday; Upgrades**

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 15th_

Robin evidently told every other member of the team about my lack of information about my activation date, and they simply decided to celebrate it today. (Filing new date for later use: August 15th)

They also decided to inform the entire Justice League. I think my humiliation circuit subroutine has overloaded. _  
_

The Cave has been decorated with air-filled "Balloons" and a large banner with "Happy Birthday, Red Tornado" stencilled onto it in red and blue letters.

Each member of the team deigned to present me with a gift, (in Kid Flash's case, badly) concealed with brightly coloured paper and ribbon, which I can only assume is a sign of affection.

List of gifts is as follows:

- One new cape; flame, water and shock proofed – Miss Martian

- Upgraded tornado gauntlets and boots – Kid Flash (_I am somewhat surprised by this)_

- Wrist flamethrower attachments – Robin

- WD40 – Superboy

- 20 assorted compact storage discs, upon which ABBA and The Doors have been recorded – Zatanna

- One fish (_Carassius auratus auratus) _in a glass bowl – Aqualad

- One pair of Red Tornado themed foot coverings (_socks_?) - Artemis (_This is the best gift I have ever received.) _

Immediately afterwards, the team presented a large iced dessert to me.

This "Cake" was covered in a red and blue form of food called "icing" and had several small wax sticks embedded in it which Superman set on fire with his heat vision.

I was asked to "blow out the candles" so I tornadoed the cake, the entire team and most of the Justice League into a Zeta tube.

Apparently that is not an acceptable response on one's birthday.

Birthdays confuse me.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 16th _

Installed the upgraded tornado gauntlets and boots, as well as the wrist flamethrowers. Tornado power is at a 391% increase as a result. Flight speed increased to 190mph. Tested new systems in training with the team.

Upon triggering upgraded tornado generators, entire team lost balance, flew across room and was held against the far wall by the air pressure, other than Robin, who rather ingeniously fired his grapnel gun into the rafters, grabbed the closest person to him by the waist (which was Zatanna, which may or may not have been a coincidence (I suspect not).) and swung out of my tornado tube. (He evidently learned this due to his training with me during his convalescence.)

Fired wrist flamethrowers in unison with tornado gauntlets and created a tornado made of flame; inadvertently melted hole in cave wall and set Superman's cape alight.

Robin and Kid Flash have been cautioned to never purchase me upgrades ever again.

This saddens me; I am rather fond of upgrades.


	7. August 17th to August 21st

**A/N: Hai all. **

**I'm picking up on the old Silver Age comics in which Red Tornado's an archaeology teacher. **

**The Spitfire is getting serious-ish (and by that I mean it's existing). Oo-rah.  
**

**Reviewers! I love you! **

**No. Not you. You in the pink shirt. **

**Read, hopefully laugh (or at least smile a little), review and make me and Reddy happy. **

**CHALLENGE: CAN WE HIT 25 REVIEWS IN TWO DAYS? (and no spamming me, actual reviews that are meaningful and all that shiz)**

* * *

**School's In; Omission; Teacher Teacher; S.W.I.R.L; Spitting Fire**

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 17th_

Black Canary tells me that the "summer holidays" will be ending soon. The team will return to school tomorrow morning (apart from Aqualad, who left his Atlantean magic school some time ago). This news is excellent; although I shall miss having the team around at all times, this means that Kid Flash and Artemis can no longer stage petty arguments at all hours.

Thank the maker; I was becoming very attracted to taking Vigilante's revolvers and destroying my audio receptors permanently.

I will be enjoying the quiet: it should give me ample time to further study _The Doors _and _ABBA, _in addition to developing further combat subroutines utilising the fire tornado I recently developed_._

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 18__th_

The team left for school today; and I was able to determine their specific schools by questioning Robin. According to Robin, both Artemis and Zatanna are at Gotham Academy with him (not that _they _know that, or so he says) and Superboy, Miss Martian and Kid Flash are all at the local school in Happy Harbour.

I probably should not have neglected to inform them about John Smith being offered part-time employment as an archaeology lecturer at Gotham Academy.

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 19__th_

Artemis and Zatanna were most surprised to see John Smith in their archaeology classroom. A young male stepped up to me and offered his hand for me to shake; introducing himself as Dick Grayson.

He winked at me as he said so, which leads me to believe that he is Robin.

Cross-referencing his voice and speech pattern with Robin's indicated a mere 21.9% frequency deviation, which is undoubtedly due to Batman training Robin to deepen his voice when speaking as Robin. Fascinating.

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 20th _

The quietness around the Cave for the six hours that the team are not present is very refreshing. John Smith is only needed at the Academy on a Tuesday and a Friday, so I am able to train and research at my leisure every other day.

I have developed a new combat routine that Artemis has designated the "Catherine Wheel." I perform it by rotating on the spot at 550 rpm and firing the wrist flamethowers at 59% power. It creates a ring of fire which envelops me and can, with the proper application of power, deflect bullets.

Filing sequence: Catherine_Wheel in directory F alongside sequence Flame_Nado

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 21st _

Artemis was at the Cave earlier than usual this afternoon.

Only her and Aqualad were present, and she seemed remarkably unhappy.

When the Zeta tube announced Kid Flash's entry, she raised her head approximately 3.356% faster than usual, and on seeing him, began to do that peculiar human action called "smiling."

Could she been unhappy _due to Kid Flash's absence? _

I must investigate this phenomenon. Soon.

But first, I need to mysteriously return all of Zatanna's old ABBA CDs.


	8. August 22nd to August 25th

**A/N: Sorry for the wait, school hates me.**

**To make things easier for myself, I will be updating this every Sunday from now on.**

**My thanks to all the brilliant reviewers, (however, you failed my challenge, so no Spitfire for a while, muhahahaha) who help me more than they know.**

**This one is a bit short, but that's because I'm trying to make this more like a diary and less like a science lecture. **

**Enjoy.**

* * *

**Zat-adam; Floor; Suspicion and Clarity; Headache**

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 22nd _

Interesting development this evening. While walking by Zatanna's room earlier today, I caught a glimpse of black and yellow disappearing around the corner. I am 97.5% certain it was Robin. (_It could, theoretically, have been Black Adam, though I doubt it.) _

This development sheds new light on the Zatanna/Robin situation (which I have taken to referring to as "Chalant" in homage to their frequent use of that word). At least I hope it is a Robin/Zatanna situation.

_Disabling imagination circuits...Disabled._

I personally do not wish to have to explain that there is a Black Adam/Zatanna relationship to Doctor Fate.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 23__rd_

**4:00 AM**

Walked into main cave room to find Robin asleep on the floor with a black-blue bundle (_infrared scans of this show temperature at 37.8 degrees centigrade.)_

Walked back out before I woke him.

**9:00 AM **

Robin and bundle are gone. DNA traces suggest presence of Kid Flash, Zatanna and Artemis, although only Zatanna falls within the estimated time.

This begs the question: What were Kid Flash and Artemis doing there?

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 24__th_

John Smith at Gotham Academy for 6 hours. Saw classes 3A, 4B and 5H.

Dick Grayson notably sluggish and tired looking. Commented on this; he replied that he had "had a long night, but so worth it."

Zatanna Zatara suspiciously quiet and reserved. Additional blood directed to facial region_ (blushing)_ whenever eye contact made with Dick Grayson.

_Curiosity subroutine activated. Overcharging. _

On another note, discovered what "bondage" is.

_Memory wipe pending activation. Pending...Pending...Commencing wipe. _

… … … … …

_Memory wipe successful. All data on "bondage" successfully erased. _

_Red Tornado version 9.02 rebooting._

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 25__th_

Awoke this morning with definite pain in frontal cerebral housing manifold.

Had to check journal entry: August 24th in order to have any inkling of what happened last night.

I am rather vexed that I erased my own memory rather than allow myself to learn the secrets of "bondage".

I suppose Past Me had his reasons.

* * *

_Conclusion: John Smith's occupation is an excellent position to learn more about humanity, esp. human youth. Yet, sadly, I have not made any inroads to uncovering more information, being preoccupied with the burgeoning relationships unfolding in the Cave and their ease of study._


	9. August 26th to September 1st

**A/N: Hello! **

**Sorry, this is a day late; I'm a terrible person, etc, etc. Won't happen again. **

**Seeing as this part is all musicy, I thought I'd share my own musical thoughts for a few pairings. As an "I'm sorry this is a day late" present. **

**So, look these beauties up:- **

**Robin/Raven: "Broken Wings" - Mr. Mister **

**Robin/Starfire: "Eyes Without A Face" - Billy Idol (because that's what I think of that pairing)**

**Robin/Zatanna: "I Put A Spell On You" - Bryan Ferry OR "Superstitious" - Europe **

**Kid Flash/Artemis: "Good Vibrations" - the Beach Boys (because that's funny) OR "God Only Knows" - also the Beach Boys**

**Aqualad/Rocket: "Beyond The Sea" - Robbie Williams**

**Question/Huntress: "The Passenger" - Iggy Pop (I don't know why, it just fits) **

**Captain Jack Harkness/Everyone: "I Touch Myself" - Divinyls**

**Enjoy, and tell me what you think of both the 9th(!) part of RTJ and my superb taste in music in the reviews.**

* * *

**MUSIC FIGHT; Go Look Behind The Fridge**

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 26th _

Robin and Zatanna (_of course_) have taken to playing the musical composition "Good Vibrations" (apparently written by a group called "The Beach Boys" _(must investigate this)_) very loudly through the cave speakers whenever Kid Flash and Artemis are together in one room.

I conclude that this is either a jest to the fact the Kid Flash is unable to vibrate his molecules through solid objects, or something completely human and obscure to me. I feel that the latter is highly likely.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 27th _

Kid Flash and Artemis have retaliated by playing the song "I Put A Spell On You" (by "Bryan Ferry") whenever _Robin _and _Zatanna _are together in one room.

I am almost certain that this is some form of humorous altercation towards Zatanna's preferred method of crime-fighting.

Or it could be the obscure human thing again. Perhaps a combination of both.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 28th _

Both Chalant (_Robin & Zatanna_) and Spitfire (_something I overheard Robin talking about, and I have begun using the term to collectively refer to Kid Flash and Artemis, as it rather fits their unique relationship) _have united in order to play "Human" (_by_ "_The Killers") _whenever Superboy and Miss Martian are together in one room.

This is definitely a humorous altercation towards the fact that neither of the two are human at all.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 29th _

Superboy and Miss Martian (_I shall have to find a collective designation for these two as well. Curses.) _have joined the musical plot.

I believe Aqualad and Rocket (_Another collective name. There are eventually going to be too many of these)_ were fairly surprised when "Robbie" Williams' "Beyond the Sea" began playing loudly over the Cave sound systems.

Batman has been growing increasingly tired of the random bursts of music, and will be stepping in soon.

I hope. Before I am forced to.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 30th _

Batman has, as yet, failed to stop the musical onslaught.

This morning John Smith saw class 5H (_the one which Robin, Artemis and Zatanna are members of_) and I decided to allow the class fifteen minutes of quiet working time, and as they had behaved well, I also allowed them to listen to some music (_of my choice_).

I decided to select Bryan Ferry's "I Put A Spell On You", in order to study Robin and Zatanna's response.

Robin remained in control of his emotions, but I was not disappointed by Zatanna's reaction. And evidently, judging from her laughter when the song started, neither was Artemis.

Had a small amount of amusement asking Artemis what she was finding so humorous, and watching her struggle for an answer.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: August 31st _

Batman has ended the musical mayhem by playing Rebecca Black's "Friday" from every speaker in the Cave until Robin, Artemis, Superboy and Zatanna were forced to destroy the speakers using assorted explosive devices/their fists/magic.

Kid Flash was caught dancing and has been shunned by the rest of the group.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 1st _

Extra training today as a result of the multitude of musical menaces that have been plaguing the Cave.

Utilised the Flamenado routine and ignited Green Arrow's hat.

Black Canary has a bandage around her left kneecap due to Arrow's flaming hat affecting his aim.

Discovered new A.I. coding. Red Tornado MK 9.02 is now capable of expressing "Sarcasm", "Snarkiness" and (as Kid Flash dubs it) "Sass".

Unable to fully control final emotional rigging, and as a result, was accidentally horrifically "snarky" towards Black Canary.

Audio log as follows:

**BLACK CANARY: **"Red, do you know where the kids are?"

**SELF: **"Sadly not, Canary. Have you, perchance, attempted looking towards the rear of the refrigeratory apparatus?

**BLACK CANARY **(_shocked_)**: **"Red, did you just tell me to look behind the fridge?

**SELF:** "Or, indeed, have you had time to search underneath the woven floor covering?"

**BLACK CANARY: **…

I apologised profusely and informed her it was merely a glitch in my A.I. code.

At least I think it is.

_Conclusion: These new "emotional states" and human mannerisms have proven exceptionally hard to control, and I require to place some inhibitions on them to prevent me from becoming a "sarcastic, snarky, sassing badass" as Kid Flash so eloquently puts it._


	10. September 2nd to September 8th

**A/N: Why is Red Tornado not in Injustice? Get on that, Nether Realm.**

**Read, review, enjoy. Especially as this one is on time for a change.**

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 2nd _

Batman has visited the cave in order to dispense a mission briefing.

Missions have been rather few and far between these past months. It must be due to Batman taking them on himself.

The mission (_which will most probably last a mere 24 hours_) entails an airdrop onto the New Olympus battlestation (_recently spotted in Cuban airspace_)

The team, and one flight-capable Leaguer, will be assaulting the station, disabling and acquiring the Thunderbolt weapon, and taking Maximilian Zeus into custody.

No one is talking to Kid Flash.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 3__rd_

I have been selected as the flight-capable Leaguer who will be accompanying the team on the "Maxie Zeus" drop.

Joy.

No one is talking to Kid Flash.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 4__th_

Drop on New Olympus went "off without a hitch." Or so Canary says.

I am unsure as to why the New Olympus would have a towing attachment, and also why it would be leaving without one, but I digress.

Our performance was satisfactory to complete the mission's main parameters, and "Maxie" (_Robin and Zatanna's nickname for him, naturally_) Zeus was satisfactorily surprised when he learned of his imminent conflagration, cursing the Iron Demon (_myself_) of Hades (_Batman_) to Tartarus.

I expect Wonder Woman will be able to teach me more about these new concepts.

Everyone managed to complete the mission without talking to Kid Flash once.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 5th _

Artemis has broken the (_rather refreshing_) not-talking-to-Kid-Flash stint we have been having.

Evidently she was unable to go another day without arguing with him, but I suspect the reason is somewhat more personal than that.

More whispers (_decidedly Chalant-sounding_) from the shadows regarding the presence of a "Spitfire" pairing.

No one is talking to Artemis or Kid Flash.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 6__th_

John Smith has (_ab_)used his "teacher" status to re-arrange the seating plan in his classroom.

I will see what happens when the two halves of Chalant are placed as far away from each other as possible.

If nothing else, it should provide a welcome break from constantly looking over my shoulder for any traps set by the devious two.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 7__th_

Zatanna has had a mishap and inadvertantly magically welded her right hand to Robin's utility belt.

I have been speculating on precisely how that could have happened, and also why on earth she was touching Robin's belt while attempting to perform magic.

I am going to be recording both Batman and Black Canary's reactions to this development for posterity.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 8__th_

The recording of the reactions to the (_now infamous_) "Hand to Belt" incident was extraordinarily amusing. Personally, the finest segment of it is Zatanna and Robin's faces when they are told they will be having "The Talk." What this "talk" is and why it is so terrifying (or more mortifying than terrifying, to be exact) are a mystery to me.

The team have been introduced to this recording after an unnamed android accidentally allowed it to be played on the large holoscreen while the entire team was in attendance. I think it is fair recompense for the time Robin and Zatanna reformatted my voicebox to force me to speak in Spanish for a day.

I was asked if I had seen who had played the recording, and I denied seeing anything.

After all, I did not see myself play the recording, did I?

* * *

**XD**


	11. September 9th to September 15th

**A/N: Hey all. This is again, a day late, and as such I am sorry. Tell you what, though, I will write "Drunk Science" (which I totally stole the name for from TomSka, whoopsie) into a part of Windolene & Swarfega, kay? Likey? **

**THANKS FOR THE REVIEWS, YOU GUYS ROCK! LEAVE MORE! I BEG OF YOU! **

**Okay, desperate plea for love over, enjoy the 11th (or something) part of RTJ. **

**(I have been completely forgetting to sign these author's notes so you can sell them on eBay. Therefore...)**

**Tom xx**

* * *

**Home Alone; Paintball Fight; Leave Reddy Alone; Drunk Science**

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 9th _

Black Canary has had an evident lapse of judgement and has deigned to allow the team to remain in the cave unsupervised. Unsupervised apart from me.

This will not end well. For anyone.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 10th _

First problem: Shipment of 14 bottles of water to the cave. Zatanna seen studying book entitled "Intoxication Spells: An Overview", and cross-checking book title over all known suppliers of magical artefacts has revealed it is supplied by Faust Libraries Incorporated.

Internet research of any known use for this spell would indicate that Zatanna (and very probably Robin) have masterminded a scheme to sneak intoxicating agents into the cave without Black Canary's knowledge.

I have to keep these liquids out of Green Arrow's clutches.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 11__th_

Walked into the main room this afternoon to find the room set up to host some form of armed conflict. Robin and Kid Flash were evidently dividing the team up into two groups, and, as there are only eight team members, I was asked (read: pressured into with promises of the Doors) to "referee." Robin, Zatanna Aqualad and Rocket are together, combating the combined force of Artemis, Kid Flash, Miss Martian and Superboy.

When I asked what they would be fighting with, Robin held up a number of firearms which were loaded with small spheres of paint (I am told the term is "Paintballs").

Each team member was given a weapon and assigned a colour to distinguish their hits – Robin black, Kid Flash yellow, Artemis green, Zatanna purple, Aqualad blue, Rocket pink, Superboy red and Miss Martian white.

One rather messy and destructive fight later, and the cave is now an oddly beautiful patchwork of various colours.

Needless to say, the team with Chalant in it ruthlessly destroyed the enemy.

Robin is surprisingly accurate with a firearm for someone who does not use one ever.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 12__th_

This evening, my worst fears were realised.

The bottled water-turned-alcoholic drinks were broken out.

As a result of quietly eavesdropping on the playing of a human game, "Truth or Dare", I have learned much useful information regarding my young charges.

Additionally, as a result of another game, "I Never", I have learned that both Robin and Zatanna have been forced to flee from a store mid transaction after the vendor used the words "well jell" and "awesomeballs."

This is odd, as I had expected them to relish the new words created here.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 13__th_

Attempted new conversational tactic I recently learned and am attempting to input, with varied success, designated, "subtly" and referenced Kid Flash's phobia of Swiss cheeses in order to cease his constant pestering of me.

I think that physically throwing a large slice of Leerdammer at him may have been over-egging the pudding somewhat.

Locked Robin and Zatanna in a reinforced weapons locker to keep them out of the way while I called Black Canary and requested she return to the cave with all due speed.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 14__th_

Robin and Zatanna have smashed their way out of the weapons locker using one of Robin's Birdarangs that Zatanna turned into a sledgehammer.

Curses. I was getting used to the peace and quiet.

My energy cells are getting low on energy, as I have been at 97% power output for three weeks now. I believe I will power down for the night.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 15__th_

Powered up to find myself trapped inside the Armoury. Robin and Zatanna's doing, no doubt.

They may have miscalculated the amount of high-explosive rocket ordnance inside said room, as I am now the owner of twin shoulder-mounted three-pack missile launchers which when fired into a tornado create quite the explosion.

Am glad to state that primarily I escaped the Armoury, and secondarily that Black Canary has arrived and my torment is thankfully at an end.

She was a little vexed about the carbon scoring on every room in the Cave, which was definitely not a result of Robin and Kid Flash's "Drunk Science" experiments with high-powered lasers.

(My, I am improving rapidly at this "lying" skill.)


	12. September 16th to September 22nd

**A/N: On time, and with a hearty helping of space-related singing, here comes Part 12(!) of Red Tornado's Journal. **

**Ok, I'm sorry about that joke at the end. Really. Very sorry. (It could happen?) **

**Enjoy! Somewhat. A little. Oh god this is terrible. Freaking out now. **

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 16th_

Work on cleaning the Cave of all the prismatic new "decorations" that have so recently been added to the walls (_paint and carbon scoring_) begins today.

Batman has stated that there will be no powers used in cleaning the cave.

I would have thought that this gives Robin and Artemis some advantage, but no. Apparently not.

However, as soon as the Cave is clean, the team will be on hangar control duty on board the Watchtower for six days.

In pairs.

Oh joy.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 17th _

Cave is clean. Unexpectedly.

The first pair of new ground controllers are Zatanna and Robin. I have a feeling that Batman wishes to simply get this "over and done with" as fast as possible.

Recorded an...interesting...piece of audio data. _Play recording._

**ROBIN: **"Ground control to Major Tom, can you hear me, Major Tom?"

**GREEN LANTERN (HAL JORDAN): **"It's Hal. But yeah, I can hear ya. Requesting takeoff clearance."

**ROBIN: **"Ground Control to Major Tom, take your protein pills and put your helmet on."

**GREEN LANTERN: **"Ha ha ha. Can I get takeoff clearance now?"

**ROBIN: **"Indeed. Check ignition, and may God's love be with you.

**GREEN LANTERN: **"Uh...roger that. Taking off."

**ROBIN: **"This is Ground Control to Major Tom, you've really made the grade."

**GREEN LANTERN: **"Uh, sure."

**ZATANNA: **"And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear."

**ROBIN: **"But it's time to leave the capsule, if you dare!"

**GREEN LANTERN: **"Ah...what the hell. (breaks into song) This Major Tom to Ground Control, I'm stepping through the door. And I'm floating in a most peculiar way. And the stars look very different todaaaay!"

(numerous laughing sounds and clapping from Ground Controllers)

**ROBIN AND ZATANNA: **(panicked)"Ground Control to Major Tom, your circuit's dead, there's something wrong! Can you hear me, Major Tom? Can you hear me, Major Tom?!"

(Green Lantern makes exploding noises)

_end recording_

I am unsure of what to make of this.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 18th _

Kid Flash and Artemis were on Ground Control today. They may have disagreed about the order in which to land incoming ships and caused a minor scuffle between Captain Atom, the Question and transport ship filled with air-to-air missiles.

Wonder Woman and Aquaman were tasked to replace them. And Steel and Mr Terrific had to fix the hangar bay on Deck 9.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 19__th_

Aqualad and Rocket on Ground Control duty.

No abnormal happenings to report, other than intercepting a transmission from Javelin 9462 which sounded remarkably like Robin and Green Lantern Hal Jordan singing "Rocket Man" by Elton John at the tops of their voices while orbiting Earth at 2,108 metres per second.

What is it about space which makes humans sing so much?

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 20__th_

Superboy and Miss Martian on Ground Control duty.

End result? One utterly destroyed Control Tower and an awkward silence when Superman docked Javelin 4320.

It is rather...amusing...to watch Superman and Superboy interact.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 21__st_

Red Arrow brought in to do Ground Control duty, on the notion that if he denied, Robin would release "that video which may or may not have contained Royrity" to the popular press.

What is "Royrity" and why is Red Arrow so easily swayed by its mention?

However, I digress. Red Arrow GC duty consisted mainly of Red Arrow "talking smack" (as Robin put it) to the entire Justice League and refusing to allow Green Arrow access to Deck 14 (where the alcohol is kept), which I suppose was for Green Arrow's own good.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 22__nd_

Debriefing as a result of the Ground Control duty fiasco.

Kid Flash and Artemis are forbidden from arguing over radio for as long as they live, Miss Martian has been advised to keep Superboy on a tighter leash, and Robin and Zatanna have been complimented on their singing voices.

It appears even Batman loves space.

* * *

_Conclusion: Space is somehow good for humans. Very good._

_Perhaps I need a special processor unit that deals only in space-related things._

_A "Space Core" or something of that ilk._


	13. September 23rd to September 29th

**A/N: Sorry, late again. But life got in the way. God damn Physics tests. **

**Thought I needed to make Red more awesome, plus who doesn't love calling Bane a small off duty Czechoslovakian traffic warden?**

**(This is actually SO hard to write because I'm just out of writing a chapter of Red Ribbon and am in Rob/Rae mode so it's difficult to write Chalant, which is why there is a distinct lack of it in this chapter.) **

**Enjoy, and tell me if it's awful!**

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 23rd _

Red Volcano (evidently my "baby brother" has been rebuilt) made an unsuccessful attack on a Ferris Aviation facility in Coast City.

Green Lantern Hal Jordan and the team were dispatched to deal with him.

In a pitched battle, he was eventually defeated (by myself using the Catherine Wheel protocol to blind him while Robin planted a Bat-Inhibitor) and we were able to wipe his stolen memory unit, so he no longer has access to the memories of myself, Red Inferno and Red Torpedo.

The team enjoyed dancing round the restrained and furious Red Volcano singing the "Robot Hell" song, featured in the televised broadcast "Futurama".

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 24th _

Robin invoked the power of Bat-Contingency #821 (any member of the Bat-Family is only a part timer in any superhero team and can at any time return to the Batcave for any reason) and took a day off team duties "to go and give Kiteman his birthday present".

It is at times like this I wonder whether villains in Gotham City are actually villains, or just Robin's occasional caretakers.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 25__th_

Giant bat-shaped kite spotted above Blackgate Prison exercise yard.

Captain Cold attempted to steal from Central City's Depository and made off with $3,000,000 worth of diamonds, but tripped on the pavement and broke his arm. Flash ran him to a prison hospital.

Poor man.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 26__th_

Robin has taken it upon himself to teach me the basics of human emotions and expressing them.

He has been successful to a fault. I can now express:

Fear; "Oh my god, it's going to kill us."

Sadness; "Oh my god, it's killed us."

Joy; "Oh no it hasn't."

And I have managed to gain a handle on anger, with rudimentary mindless violence.

That's a new one.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 27th _

Robin's "training" has overloaded my lying circuit. Accidentally asked the team to infiltrate a shopping centre in London to arrest a small off duty Czechoslovakian traffic warden, when I meant to have them attack a military complex in Santa Prisca to apprehend Bane.

I doubt Bane himself was best pleased when Robin confiscated his Venom injector then applied some reinforced titanium restraints and said "We have the small off duty Czechoslovakian traffic warden. Requesting extraction at the LZ."

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 28__th_

Deactivated lying chip. I shall turn it back on when it has cooled down.

Discovered I had used up John Smith's "holiday" quota, so was forced to return to teach 5J. Taught 5J. Marked 5J's essays. Came back to the Cave. Powered down for three hours.

Trained with Batman.

I was unaware his cape and entire bodysuit is water, flame, shock, wind and bulletproof up to 10 feet.

Unfortunately, I am evidently not Batarang-proof.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 29__th_

The Terror Twins concluded that I was the easiest Justice Leaguer to overcome in combat and attacked me just over the Metropolis Bridge.

Calculating Tuppence Terror's outbound trajectory, I do not think she quite achieved exit velocity, but I am fairly sure she ended up somewhere near Bermuda. Tommy Terror is embedded in the North Wall of Stryker's Island. Recovery teams are currently endeavouring to remove him and repair the damage to the ribs on his right side.

Evidently, their logic was** flawed.**


	14. September 30th to October 6th

**A/N: Sorry about lateness, as usual, but Reddy's memoirs are taking the back seat in the proverbial car of schedules due to both me rediscovering my dark writing side and me having to do huge amounts of essays on the British political reforms of the 1800-1900s (incredibly complicated stuff like free healthcare, which you haven't invented in 'Murica yet, oh lol I'm so hilariously borderline racist). **

**If anyone's interested, the proverbial car of schedules is arranged something like this: political essays in the front seat, Red Ribbon in the middle, RTJ in the back, Fear Me shoved in the boot (that's the "trunk" to all you non-Britishers) and Windolene & Swarfega is taped to the back window. Sleepless is on a bicycle about three miles back, along with RIPSOA. **

**Enjoy the fact I worked out how to sort of write Chalant again.**

**I am seeing someone about my Aerosmith addiction, yes.**

**(that bit about Inception music is dead on the money, bee tee dubs)**

**I am totally out of ideas now, so taking requests! Request things for the team to do and Reddy to ****overanalyze. Now! With feeling! **

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: September 30th _

Robin and Kid Flash have concluded, through rigorous testing, that the theme from the motion picture "Inception", when played while anything under the sun happens in slow motion, makes the activity seem incredibly emotional and dramatic.

The level of testing they were prepared to do was quite impressive; Robin checked his electronic mail in exaggerated slowness to the song, and then he recorded an argument between Kid Flash and Artemis, pasted the song over it and watched it.

Apparently it made Zatanna and Miss Martian cry for thirty minutes because (and I quote from an audio recording I made) "It is so obvious that he totally loves her and she just needs to stop being so defensive and let him in!"

This must be some human emotional gimmick I am unfamiliar with.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 1st _

Vandal Savage launched a nuclear missile from a base in Arizona. Batman, Robin and the double-agent Catwoman infiltrated the area just as the missile was fired. Batman disabled it and deactivated the warhead.

The way in which he did it was rather dramatic. He leapt from the gantry onto this flying missile and slowly climbed up the rocket, removing strangely consistently placed circuitry before the fuel burned out and the missile fell to earth to be destroyed over Texas.

Robin, ever the ingenious "wingman", decided the time would be right to play a song by a band named "Aerosmith" called "I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" as Batman climbed up the missile.

His only comment afterwards was "I totally have a new adoptive mother."

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 2__nd_

The Texan Anti-Superhuman Coalition have complained to the League for dropping an unexploded nuclear device on Austin. The League responded that it was either that or "nuke D.C and make Uncle Sam's hat a little crispy" (Flash's words, not mine) and the Texan Anti-Superhuman Coalition was very quiet after that.

I am honoured to be working with such talented diplomats.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 3__rd_

5J were set a homework assignment, and here is Robin's effort:

**What I Would Do If I Was Batman**

**by Richard Grayson**

Punch Superman in the face and marry Catwoman. Then maybe brood for a bit. Eat some nachos. Drink some distilled cow organs to stay awake. Brood some more. Fight crime WITH MY MIND. Get Robin to do everything because, although he is basically a demigod and my son, I don't want to acknowledge his right to be called "Nightwing" and run a team of superheroes from a warehouse in Blüdhaven. Brood. Buy a jet with a bathroom in it. Punch Superman again. Make Red Tornado get a job as a schoolteacher. Brood.

Sing "Am I Blue?" in order to make goddesses cry. Calibrate my cowl to only play the theme from "Inception" while punching Superman in the face in slow motion. Punch Superman in the face.

**THE END **

I have given him a C–, for Batman does not eat Nachos.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 4__th_

Have been growing increasingly uneasy due to the ever-oncoming Hallowe'en festivities and being aware of Robin and Zatanna's penchant for unbridled chaos and anarchy on a grand scale.

Had them swallow trackers hidden in a bread roll so I will always be aware of their movements and prepared for an ambush.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 5th _

Decided to research myself on the internet, to analyse my own personal glory compared to the other Leaguers. Discovered a site, designated "Fan Fiction dot Net" which has a multitude of human works on the subject of both the team and the League, but have yet to discover more than one in which I am the main focus.

This must change, as I refuse to be less popular than the pairing called "Sea Arrow."

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 6th _

Further research on this "fanfiction" has showed a remarkably high demographic of predicted Chalant romance.

This gives me an idea. If I could speed up the Chalant romantic process, I would glean much useful information on human emotional states. Especially "love" which I have the least amount of data on.

I believe I have a new..."Project"...

* * *

**MUWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA**


	15. October 7th to October 13th

**A/N: 2 days late, and that's only because I discovered GTA V and got completely addicted.**

**You might want to give more dammed requests, because I have no bloody idea what the hell is going on anymore.**

**Oh, and I was thinking of writing something for Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. Thoughts?**

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 7th _

Continued scrutiny of the Chalant situation has revealed that I have very little work to do, as both Kid Flash and Artemis have already noticed the evident "chemistry" between the two and are endeavouring to "hook them up" as the saying goes. So far, their tactics (most of which involve closets, chloroform and a crowbar, although not necessarily in that order) have failed miserably. I shall study this behaviour in order to hone my own approach to the conundrum.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 8th _

After rigorous examination of "Spitfire's" failed ploys, I have devised an attack method: I will lure the respective parties to an ingeniously placed dinner table with the (willing or unwilling) assistance of Spitfire. I will then play violin music over the Cave speakers and flee the scene, allowing Spitfire to "face the music".

Ingenious. (That would be pride; another new emotion.)

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 9th _

Operation went swimmingly. Chalant enjoyed dinner, Spitfire lost a few teeth between them, and I escaped without being discovered as the mastermind.

We must be ready to move on phase two.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 10th _

Decided to use a combination of the chloroform and crowbar methods. Chalant currently in a reinforced weapons closet in F corridor.

I am slightly afraid to activate auditory monitoring.

In any case, phase two is now complete.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 11th _

Borrowed Batman's "big black jet with a bathroom in it" and flew the team to the United Kingdom to neutralise rogue superhumans designated "the Elite."

Sadly, the flight took four hours, and Robin had full control of all musical systems in the aircraft. No Doors for Red Tornado, it would seem.

Landed at Gatwick Airport and moved to assault the Elite's position.

They went down with suspiciously less of a fight than I had anticipated, but that may have been due to my use of the Flamenado procedure while aiming into the air, creating a vast maelstrom of fire which rained from the sky.

Apparently it was inordinately impressive, or "bloody brilliant, mate" as Robin put it in his abnormally good impersonation of a Cockney accent.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 12__th_

Team given a number of days off duty (they always do, after a mission), and so the Chalant plan is progressing excellently. Have now coerced Super-Martian into assisting with the plot.

Miss Martian's shapeshifting ability shall be most useful.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 13__th_

All plans on immediate hold as Black Canary has arrived to perform a surprise inspection and training regimen. Activating rapid concealing measures as of ten minutes ago.

All Doors CDs hidden. Plans for Chalant hidden. Sound dampeners activated.

As Artemis is very fond of saying, "bring it on."


	16. October 14th to October 20th

**A/N: And the winner of the request this week is Randomkitty101, because that was the only bloody SENSIBLE ONE (I'm looking at you, koryanders) and because I literally just remembered I needed to write this. **

**Ok, so if I can't write Agents of SHIELD, can I write Arrow? Plz?  
**

**Oh, and yes, I noticed I skipped a day last time. Fixing that. But by the time you read this it'll already be fixed, so I don't know why I brought it up. daum.**

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 14th _

Cleaned Cave. Team on overdrive to make Canary "just shut up and go away already." Artemis' words, not mine; although true. I do not need Canary interfering with my current projects any longer than she needs to.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 15th _

Unpleasant development today. Green Arrow arrived to assist with training exercises.

I have taken the precaution of removing any and all alcoholic substances. Including the bottle of Scotch hidden behind the second girder from the left Robin thinks I don't know about.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 16__th_

Enjoyed training today, as Green Arrow deigned it a wise ploy to fire an arrow fitted with a localised EMP generator. I retaliated with a tornado, he therefore missed and hit the second Zeta tube. No Zeta travel for some time, it would seem.

Overheard (using far upgraded auditory sensors (courtesy of Robin)) Arrow apologising to Canary, using the term of endearment "Prettybird", which I have tried and failed to understand, as she is not a bird in any sense of the word (unless there is one I have not discovered yet), though I do not doubt her aesthetic qualities.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 1__7__th_

Walked into main hall this morning to find Green Arrow asleep on one of the green chairs. Unsure of the meaning of this.

Canary has given the team (and I, for which I praise the Creator (I _am _good at this "sarcasm" emotion)) a mission: we are to go to Metropolis and apprehend a group of jewel thieves with a taste for card motifs. "Royal Flush Gang" if I remember correctly (and I do, as I am an android and therefore cannot forget anything unless I personally delete it from my hard drive (a task I have been forced to do more than once on Den Mother duty)).

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 18__th_

Flew out to Metropolis in the Bio-Ship. Patrolled streets. Found nothing, until a collection of criminals in card-inspired outfits attempted a bank robbery quite literally right behind Superboy.

Royal Flush Gang safely apprehended and brought to Stryker's Island Federal Penitentiary. Listened to the Greg Kihn Band on journey back to Cave.

Was complimented on musical choice by Robin. Gave him the Scotch back.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 19__th_

Robin and Zatanna both drugged then dragged Green Arrow out of the Cave and left him on the grass airstrip. Robin considering a hood now.

Give me strength. Robin, in a hood?

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 20__th_

**a.m.**

Green Arrow finally "kicked out" of the Cave by Canary, who then announced that the inspection was over and we could go back to destroying the Cave.

I am insulted that she would even imply that I would have any part in "destroying the Cave."

**p.m.**

Fired Flamenado through wall during training, taking out Squash Court Seven and detaching a girder to have it land on Superboy.

Beginning to see the accuracy in Canary's appraisal.


	17. October 21st to October 27th

**A/N: Yeah...I'm just going to upload these on Mondays now. God dammit. **

**Moar requests! I NEED TEH INSPIRATIONS **

**in other news, we recently hit 50 reviews! That's awesome! I literally love you guys, who've made my first year-or-so on fanfiction so amazing. Hugs for all. And I might even say "Fish and Chips" if you really want. Ugh, Yanks. **

**Ignore that blatant racism and enjoy this almost-Hallowe'en special. **

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 21st _

Ten days until All Hallow's Eve. Cave in unsettling state of readiness. Odd plastic representations of human skeletal structure hung around cave, along with images of bats (Batman shall be thrilled.).

Furthermore, the team have acquired a selection of large orange vegetables named "pumpkins" and last I saw them they were attacking them with knives, Birdarangs, arrows and/or their fists.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 22nd _

The pumpkins have been "carved", so that they show a variety of images. Robin's shows a Batsymbol (how original), Artemis' a bow and some arrows, Kid Flash's a bolt of lightning, Superboy's is in the food waste compacter he having smashed it to a pulp with his fists, Miss Martian's shows a woman riding a wooden broomstick (I have no idea why this is), Aqualad's shows a fish (I think the originality is causing my processor to explode (Sarcasm unit: online)) Rocket's is on fire and Zatanna's depicts a small rabbit.

This practice of carving shapes into pumpkins is exceptionally odd.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 23rd _

Mission (thank the maker, I am unsure whether I could handle any more of these strange pumpkins) to travel to Central City to deal Count Vertigo.

At last, an escape from strange decorations and orange vegetables.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 24th _

Strange decorations and orange vegetables everywhere. They are inescapable.

Robin takes an aggravating amount of enjoyment in "jumpscaring" every member of the team at any given moment.

This is interesting, as the team are not usually this easily fazed. Perhaps it is something to do with the pumpkins.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 25th _

Count Vertigo has joined forces with the Music Meister, a criminal so uselessly ineffective towards me that he was arrested within four seconds of him attacking (by Robin who played a certain musical piece named "Vodka" written by "Korpiklaani" very loudly in his ears) and Vertigo was subsequently overcome by the fact that I am both an android and completely immune to his powers, and that he does not like pumpkins either.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 26__th_

It is interesting to note that the team has been purchasing inordinate quantities of sweet sugar based produce as of late. They are not keeping it at the Cave, rather at their own respective homes. Robin, however, keeps his in an air vent near the north corner of the hangar, along with thirty five separate compact discs marked "Black Mail Material".

I have concluded that it is not a wise choice to "mess" with Robin, as he is described very well by the song "The Spy", written by my personal favourite artist, The Doors.

* * *

_Red Tornado's Journal: October 27__th_

Someone has once again ignored Batman's direct orders and allowed Robin access to three litres of Red Bull.

It has literally given him wings, as he has somehow acquired Hawkgirl's Nth-Metal belt and is currently flapping around the Ops room of the Watchtower.

I am going to be installing new cloaking technology and cowering in fear from the impending rage of Batman.


End file.
